If I were to be completely honest about myself and why I've been so upset with everything this week, what I would really say is that I am mean, I'm disappointing myself, and I'm frustrated how I haven't turned it around yet, even though I quit less than a week ago now, and I know I need time. I do feel right about doing that, for the reasons previously stated and so much more. I'm argumentative and I don't know what I am supposed to be doing right now.
Plus, I ruined the holiday party. Which was so nicely pointed out to me, days later, by my former CEO when he said, "I don't mean to embarrass you, but you ruined the holiday party."
Now, why would you say that to me, really? I had already put in my notice. Why would you say something like that, other than to upset me, when I'm already leaving? I can say, if nothing else, this helped push me a bit more towards the way I'm supposed to be going. Which is not that way.
So you know that horrible feeling you have after something truly terrible has happened - not trivial terrible like a fight or even a bad breakup, but something that bends the direction of everything - its the stomach feeling that I had after my mom died, the one that made you feel like raw nerves and when you're resting or asleep, you've not even calm then - that feeling, it's how I've felt the rest of the week, up til now, and I'm not sure why.
I don't really care how many times my face hits the pavement, or that people in an industry I never want(ed) to work in will never take me seriously, but maybe I can't shake the feeling that someone told me I ruined something.
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