on conversating

One of my lovely friends who left NYC was in town last week. He freelances now and he was here for over 3 days.

His boyfriend (not old) died suddenly not long ago.

So we were sitting on the balcony at his host's place doing lines in the cool air, like we wind up doing, high above the sidewalk. And as I wind up doing sometimes we ramble about death. And aside from some clarity it works that someone says my mom sounds like she was a cool lady.

She wasn't cool. She loved me fiercely, but she wasn't cool. My biggest advocate and support system, but not cool. It's one of those things people say though. I understand.

We keep it inside inside until sometime we laugh too long or ramble after too much of something, and then, in those speedy moments we find a little harmony.

And swig some beer and keep going.

Yeah mom, I miss you tons.

and oh yeah

I turned off anon comments, cause spam is depressing. word.

Even if no one reads this!

so in the interim...

I've tried some stuff.

Grad school for design. graphic design. A serious, hard-ass M.S. program. That I submitted a serious hard-ass portfolio for (at least 7 diff mediums, they asked for!). And that was...interesting...while working full time, over 60 hrs a week. Plus 2 classes, of 6 hrs each. And at least 15 hrs each of assignments per week. Believe it or not, I did that shit straight. Not lit up like a christmas tree. Which I am right now. Anyway, in that time through the one class I learned a SHIT-TON about designing. I did sample book covers (what I wanted to do anyway) and a full 12 page portfolio for my theoretical PR firm. The other class...not so much. So yeah, now I know what its like to exist on about 4 hrs sleep each night, and at least one 48-hr day a week. I didn't die, but I came close, for realsies, once. Bad reaction to some antibiotic. Passed out. Everything.

ANYWAY. Now I know some ish. But I'm not in school right now. Can't afford it for another semester. Can't afford it work-wise right now. Got a serious national campaign going on. Been working 11 hr days again. Aside from this week of crazy. But yeah. I need a mac. For design. For me.

I may also need a new apt. For me. for cats. for life.

I need to change everything.

But as of this week, things feel a bit better.

Oh yeah, some stuff exploded in March, for my family. For me to, I guess. It's still being sorted. To say the least.

In the meantime, I carry on. I workit. Insanely. I play. Sometimes. I miss. So much. I read. A lot. I draw. Not enough.

Yeah I've got like at least 2 creative things that need to get off the ground. One almost did at the start of 2010.

This weekend. Rebirth.

Much <3.