An ode to Red Hook. or something.

Recently, Heavy B and I got into a discussion about moving. We currently reside in Red Hook, otherwise known as the boonies of Brooklyn. Occasionally, when we wait for the bus, we wait for a very long time. This involves several buses is perfect working order driving past while grinning at the horde that has assembled at the bus stop. As each one of these teaser buses pass us by the anger of the crowd mounts. When we finally get on one, the busdriver gets told off by multiple people and he, in turn, threatens to kick them off the bus. This can really wear people down after a while. This is without going into how difficult it is to get ANYWHERE in a timely fashion.

Something funny started happening a little while back: my love of the neighborhood began to override my transportation woes. Seriously kids, Red Hook is kind of awesome, even despite the fact that the Real World kids reside here at the moment. This too shall pass. So, in no paricular order, here are some of the reasons why I love (and sometimes loathe) Red Hook:

- Baked: Seriously, this place is amazing. Good coffee, good music and a friendly staff. As well as some of the yummiest baked goods this side of the sun and free internet. I'm here so often I'm no longer sure whether they consider me a colorful neighborhood character or some vaguely creepy man who has no life. Also, they occasionally throw me free stuff. Who doesn't love free cake? I'm okay with being creepy if it means I get free cake.

- Fairway: Living within a 3 block radius of one of the largest supermarkets in New York is a blessing I still marvel over every so often. Fuck Fresh Direct. Seriously. I can stumble over there while stoned out of my gourd and pick up pickles and chocolate while the cashiers look at me funny. You know you're jealous. Also, the fact that a Trader Joe's is opening up on Court St. kind of makes Red Hook a foodie paradise. Word.

- Hot Hipster Dads: What. The. Fuck. Have all the hot parents moved to the hook? I know some will scoff and say that Park Slope has already cornered that market but still, there are hordes of them. There's one standing next to me RIGHT NOW. He'd be even hotter if he'd lose the screaming, snot-faced crap-factory he's toting, but I digress. Plus, the vast tracts of industrial wasteland littering Park Slope are kind of a turn off.

- Steve's Key Lime Pie/The Red Hook Garden Center: I finally finally FINALLY had myself a "swingle" from Steve's last week. Allow me to explain - this is a mini Key Lime Pie dipped in dark chocolate and frozen. On a stick. If you're not a fan of this I'm not a fan of you. Steve's is nestled within the Red Hook Garden center which, aside from having many pleasing plants, is a great place to come relax with a book if things have been getting a little too hectic.

- The Ice House/Tini/The Good Fork: On any given night I can choose between what is consistently one of the most hailed restaurants in New York (Good Fork), good bbq combined with Big Buck Hunter and cheap booze (The Ice House), or the most fabulous cheese plates you've ever seen (Tini). Of course, this is under that assumption that I'm not under the yolk of crippling poverty that evening. Or the assumption that I haven't been drinking so much as to make eating kind of a moot point. So ok, I guess what I'm saying is that occasionally when the stars are aligned perfectly I get to choose between these 3 establishments. That's good enough for me.

In short, I love me some Red Hook. Yes there's a schizophrenic who affectionately refers to me as Dogshit. And yes, there's that man who periodically throws things like old booze, pee, broken glass and spaghetti out of his 3rd floor window. But this is a damn fine place.

That's all for now kids.

The economic crisis hits pseudo-employed brooklyn.

The week before last as I climbed into the Navigator of one of the young men sent to meet me on a corner and deliver one of my favorite South American exports, I hear “$25 now,” Uh what? I am used to the tradition of handing over 4 twenty-dollar bills and getting 6 baggies. So uhm, what do I get for $100 now?

“Four.”

Uh, so how much can I get for $120?

Feeble math on both sides ensues, ending with the realization that I, as life should have shown me by now, will get nothing free. By this point another patron has joined us in the backseat and is equally disappointed that 2 will now cost him $50.

I am informed that I will be immediately informed when the price goes back down, and that I am always remembered (just like the entirely of Brooklyn that slides in and out of said Navigator and variety of other vehicles!)

In the meantime, I remain amused that the economic downturn has finally affected me. What? I don’t drive, I buy a bare minimum of groceries, and have no dependents (unless cats count) what’d you expect?