So even with all the pretty weather that all you kids love so much (and OK, I will admit to basking in a nice PBR-in-the-backyard of my fave local bar on Sunday moment)I feel like the mood this spring is a bit grim. Or there's an undertone of it at least - old media is increasingly boned, our economy is fucked, and it seems like every other person is looking for a job.
Of course, given the name of this blog, we sympathize. I'm lucky for now, but believe me, I worry. All my skills are in a field considered a luxury (books). whee. I feel the gap growing larger between everyone with even minimal income to spend on things like books, tickets, nights out, and those not. In short, shit sucks. And it isn't going to change anytime soon. Maybe we'll all get the swine flu though, and at least then we'll get some bed rest.
Signs something might not be quite right with me:
- I've been cleaning my apartment regularly. I vacuumed myself into a sweat yesterday.
- I've cooked meals more than twice in the past month.
- I've been thinking over things.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Heavy B's Diet Tips No One Asked For
So I've seen various write-ups for this new graphic novel/diet memoir The Big Skinny: How I Changed My Fattitude. Among the many intriguing things about this - the fact that it gets cross-over coverage on food blogs, media blogs, women's interest blogs, and of course regular media coverage, it's status as the "first graphic memoir about dieting", what struck me the most when reading the excerpt up at Amazon, was that it wasn't the cheery, "Hey, I love my body and eat what I want, but I exercise a lot!" typical message that I was expecting.
Instead you see a pretty regimented calorie-counting, "diet-esque" foods, and what could unkindly be called self-deprivation, but I am not going to roll with the judgment that way - it at least seems honest. And surprisingly similar, at least in eating, or lack thereof, to what I do.
I make no claims to living a vaguely healthy lifestyle. I drink, I smoke, I do drugs, and truth be told, I'd rather do all of those than eat my dinner. And I don't workout. So why I am I writing about this? Well, about a year and 3 months ago I went on about a 4 day coke binge and lost about 2 sizes, and I've managed to keep it off but then this winter I felt some of it definitely come back. Now, I'm by no stretch of the imagination skinny. I'm also pretty ok with this. No one's going to lampoon me in public and I get by.
Back to the point - as we entered the new year I got bored with my jeans getting tighter and overeating and whatnot. Also, I like to view the human body as something of an experiment. My own lab rat, as it were. I know, most people want to try to preserve it, I like to test its limits. What can I say?
So after a cold I decided that I would eat only soup. Now dude, I don't know if you've noticed, but there are some tasty, tasty canned soups out there - with plenty of solid foods contained within. I'm talking organic, veggie-tastic, would-please-a-foodie really good soups. That are also only about 120-200 calories if you eat the whole can, in many cases. 300 if you want to get crazy.
My favorites: Trader Joe's chicken noodle soup in a can, Wolfgang Puck's organic soups, and whatever is on sale.
Eat only soup and your appearance, it will change.
Someone who I hadn't seen in awhile remarked that I was much smaller and when he asked how I did it I half-jokingly said I upped my coke use, but ladies and gents, that will work to! Supplement your diet regimen with it, and you'll have a good time and you won't be hungry. Everyone wins.
Now, because I don't want my insides to give out, I do consume more than just soup. I try to have a yogurt - regular or soy, whatever is on sale - every morning, with a coffee or diet coke. Maybe an emergen-c (or the vitamin supplement of your choice) sometime during the day, and a 100-calorie snack pack, and then a can of soup for dinner. All the alcohol and diet coke I want. You will pry those from my cold, dead hands. I have tried to have cocktails/hard liquor instead of beer mostly, but its a little tricky. And that, plus or minus any illicit substances, is my day.
I also have what I have dubbed Solid Food Sundays where I eat something, whatever I want, ususally a cheeseburger, since the weekend's hangover usually requires more than a yogurt to be helped out. And it is great.
So there you have it.
And you'll save lots of cash on groceries. Who doesn't want to do that in these economic times?
Instead you see a pretty regimented calorie-counting, "diet-esque" foods, and what could unkindly be called self-deprivation, but I am not going to roll with the judgment that way - it at least seems honest. And surprisingly similar, at least in eating, or lack thereof, to what I do.
I make no claims to living a vaguely healthy lifestyle. I drink, I smoke, I do drugs, and truth be told, I'd rather do all of those than eat my dinner. And I don't workout. So why I am I writing about this? Well, about a year and 3 months ago I went on about a 4 day coke binge and lost about 2 sizes, and I've managed to keep it off but then this winter I felt some of it definitely come back. Now, I'm by no stretch of the imagination skinny. I'm also pretty ok with this. No one's going to lampoon me in public and I get by.
Back to the point - as we entered the new year I got bored with my jeans getting tighter and overeating and whatnot. Also, I like to view the human body as something of an experiment. My own lab rat, as it were. I know, most people want to try to preserve it, I like to test its limits. What can I say?
So after a cold I decided that I would eat only soup. Now dude, I don't know if you've noticed, but there are some tasty, tasty canned soups out there - with plenty of solid foods contained within. I'm talking organic, veggie-tastic, would-please-a-foodie really good soups. That are also only about 120-200 calories if you eat the whole can, in many cases. 300 if you want to get crazy.
My favorites: Trader Joe's chicken noodle soup in a can, Wolfgang Puck's organic soups, and whatever is on sale.
Eat only soup and your appearance, it will change.
Someone who I hadn't seen in awhile remarked that I was much smaller and when he asked how I did it I half-jokingly said I upped my coke use, but ladies and gents, that will work to! Supplement your diet regimen with it, and you'll have a good time and you won't be hungry. Everyone wins.
Now, because I don't want my insides to give out, I do consume more than just soup. I try to have a yogurt - regular or soy, whatever is on sale - every morning, with a coffee or diet coke. Maybe an emergen-c (or the vitamin supplement of your choice) sometime during the day, and a 100-calorie snack pack, and then a can of soup for dinner. All the alcohol and diet coke I want. You will pry those from my cold, dead hands. I have tried to have cocktails/hard liquor instead of beer mostly, but its a little tricky. And that, plus or minus any illicit substances, is my day.
I also have what I have dubbed Solid Food Sundays where I eat something, whatever I want, ususally a cheeseburger, since the weekend's hangover usually requires more than a yogurt to be helped out. And it is great.
So there you have it.
And you'll save lots of cash on groceries. Who doesn't want to do that in these economic times?
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Paging Dr. Perc
My last google search: doctor percocet
This sounds about right.
jive turkey is eating old cheese and Activia.
It's on, it is indeed on.
This sounds about right.
jive turkey is eating old cheese and Activia.
It's on, it is indeed on.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
No Mixers. Just Girlkitty.
So it should be stated that we sometimes call girlcat girlfiddy, which came from calling her girlkitty. Her actual name is Tralala (after the character in Last Exit to
12:05 PM Jive
oh 50 cent
you suck as well
Heavy B: what happened this time?
Jive
12:06 PM or do you mean with fiddy?
Heavy B: fiddy
Jive
its hilarious
Heavy B: hahah
12:07 PM oh fiddy and his vitamin water
they should replace him with girlfiddy
Jive
oh shit
Heavy B: I anticipate an increase in vitamin water sales
Jive
Heavy B: POPPIN' ANTIOXIDANTS IN YO ASS!
12:08 PM Jive
LOL
Heavy B: hm, it kinda does
but it makes it better
Jive
Heavy B: right
but gangsta grape
Jive
12:09 PM she got shot in the tooth 9 times yo
12:10 PM Heavy B: omg
GRIND DAT FOOD UP!
Jive
12:11 PM cause i got shot in teh tooth
I DROPPED MY TOOTH
WHERE'D THE TOOTH GO?
Heavy B: WHERE MY TOOTH GO?
oh shit this is too funny
Jive
i anticipate much hilarity because of this when you get home
12:12 PM also, i snorted coffee on the table
Heavy B: oh you must look like such a wacko at Baked
Jive
12:13 PM Heavy B: not really
YOU'RE A WINNER!
Jive
Sunday, October 5, 2008
kitty interlude
So on the heels of a very successful work event that I organized and work dinner Friday, and a lovely dinner with a friend in Little Italy (music! Old Italian men! tiramisu gelato!) Saturday night, after which I went home like a civilized person, I wake up this morning to see that one of my cats has broken a big tooth.
Worrying, phone calls, emergency vet appointment at my normal place but not with my regular vet and then suddenly I am out the door into a car with my unhappy feline by my side. Of course this would happen on the day of the godforsaken Atlantic Antic, meaning that no one can drive down Atlantic Ave (which is of course where my vet is) and all the sidestreets are backed up. But because I love my cats (relax, I only have 2) more than I love most people, I am soon loping down the street with my angry 12-pound cat and into my fancy vet place.
A check-up, pulled tooth and some scrips later, I find myself looking at an estimate for dental work. I had the cats in for a regular check-up about one month ago and the vet happened to mention that if girlcat needed work (her teeth are bad) that the Humane Society did cheaper dental work. Because I was all a-panic I made the appointment for tomorrow. However, as I stood on a sidestreet waiting for yet another car and back at home, I had some time to think and remember what my regular vet had mentioned, I cancelled the appointment. At first I felt bad that I couldn't provide for a creature that depends on me for everything. Then I thought about how ~$900 is a hefty chunk of change for most people, and its not like I'm not going to get her care, it just won't be tomorrow AM (she is not in any danger or pain right now, she needs the root removed and a regular cleaning) but if my regular (and awesome) vet endorses the Humane Society, I am OK with it. I was trying to think up ways I could come up with cash quickly and there is no way I could ask my longsuffering father for money; it is not his responsibility to pay for my cat's dental work. I am not patting myself on the back for a handout I might not even have gotten. It just is what it is.
Now I have to somehow medicate this cat twice a day for a week, which is going to be fun.
In the meantime, I have my drink and my two cats.
My drink and my 2 cats.
It's on, it's on.
Worrying, phone calls, emergency vet appointment at my normal place but not with my regular vet and then suddenly I am out the door into a car with my unhappy feline by my side. Of course this would happen on the day of the godforsaken Atlantic Antic, meaning that no one can drive down Atlantic Ave (which is of course where my vet is) and all the sidestreets are backed up. But because I love my cats (relax, I only have 2) more than I love most people, I am soon loping down the street with my angry 12-pound cat and into my fancy vet place.
A check-up, pulled tooth and some scrips later, I find myself looking at an estimate for dental work. I had the cats in for a regular check-up about one month ago and the vet happened to mention that if girlcat needed work (her teeth are bad) that the Humane Society did cheaper dental work. Because I was all a-panic I made the appointment for tomorrow. However, as I stood on a sidestreet waiting for yet another car and back at home, I had some time to think and remember what my regular vet had mentioned, I cancelled the appointment. At first I felt bad that I couldn't provide for a creature that depends on me for everything. Then I thought about how ~$900 is a hefty chunk of change for most people, and its not like I'm not going to get her care, it just won't be tomorrow AM (she is not in any danger or pain right now, she needs the root removed and a regular cleaning) but if my regular (and awesome) vet endorses the Humane Society, I am OK with it. I was trying to think up ways I could come up with cash quickly and there is no way I could ask my longsuffering father for money; it is not his responsibility to pay for my cat's dental work. I am not patting myself on the back for a handout I might not even have gotten. It just is what it is.
Now I have to somehow medicate this cat twice a day for a week, which is going to be fun.
In the meantime, I have my drink and my two cats.
My drink and my 2 cats.
It's on, it's on.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
An ode to Red Hook. or something.
Recently, Heavy B and I got into a discussion about moving. We currently reside in Red Hook, otherwise known as the boonies of Brooklyn. Occasionally, when we wait for the bus, we wait for a very long time. This involves several buses is perfect working order driving past while grinning at the horde that has assembled at the bus stop. As each one of these teaser buses pass us by the anger of the crowd mounts. When we finally get on one, the busdriver gets told off by multiple people and he, in turn, threatens to kick them off the bus. This can really wear people down after a while. This is without going into how difficult it is to get ANYWHERE in a timely fashion.
Something funny started happening a little while back: my love of the neighborhood began to override my transportation woes. Seriously kids, Red Hook is kind of awesome, even despite the fact that the Real World kids reside here at the moment. This too shall pass. So, in no paricular order, here are some of the reasons why I love (and sometimes loathe) Red Hook:
- Baked: Seriously, this place is amazing. Good coffee, good music and a friendly staff. As well as some of the yummiest baked goods this side of the sun and free internet. I'm here so often I'm no longer sure whether they consider me a colorful neighborhood character or some vaguely creepy man who has no life. Also, they occasionally throw me free stuff. Who doesn't love free cake? I'm okay with being creepy if it means I get free cake.
- Fairway: Living within a 3 block radius of one of the largest supermarkets in New York is a blessing I still marvel over every so often. Fuck Fresh Direct. Seriously. I can stumble over there while stoned out of my gourd and pick up pickles and chocolate while the cashiers look at me funny. You know you're jealous. Also, the fact that a Trader Joe's is opening up on Court St. kind of makes Red Hook a foodie paradise. Word.
- Hot Hipster Dads: What. The. Fuck. Have all the hot parents moved to the hook? I know some will scoff and say that Park Slope has already cornered that market but still, there are hordes of them. There's one standing next to me RIGHT NOW. He'd be even hotter if he'd lose the screaming, snot-faced crap-factory he's toting, but I digress. Plus, the vast tracts of industrial wasteland littering Park Slope are kind of a turn off.
- Steve's Key Lime Pie/The Red Hook Garden Center: I finally finally FINALLY had myself a "swingle" from Steve's last week. Allow me to explain - this is a mini Key Lime Pie dipped in dark chocolate and frozen. On a stick. If you're not a fan of this I'm not a fan of you. Steve's is nestled within the Red Hook Garden center which, aside from having many pleasing plants, is a great place to come relax with a book if things have been getting a little too hectic.
- The Ice House/Tini/The Good Fork: On any given night I can choose between what is consistently one of the most hailed restaurants in New York (Good Fork), good bbq combined with Big Buck Hunter and cheap booze (The Ice House), or the most fabulous cheese plates you've ever seen (Tini). Of course, this is under that assumption that I'm not under the yolk of crippling poverty that evening. Or the assumption that I haven't been drinking so much as to make eating kind of a moot point. So ok, I guess what I'm saying is that occasionally when the stars are aligned perfectly I get to choose between these 3 establishments. That's good enough for me.
In short, I love me some Red Hook. Yes there's a schizophrenic who affectionately refers to me as Dogshit. And yes, there's that man who periodically throws things like old booze, pee, broken glass and spaghetti out of his 3rd floor window. But this is a damn fine place.
That's all for now kids.
Something funny started happening a little while back: my love of the neighborhood began to override my transportation woes. Seriously kids, Red Hook is kind of awesome, even despite the fact that the Real World kids reside here at the moment. This too shall pass. So, in no paricular order, here are some of the reasons why I love (and sometimes loathe) Red Hook:
- Baked: Seriously, this place is amazing. Good coffee, good music and a friendly staff. As well as some of the yummiest baked goods this side of the sun and free internet. I'm here so often I'm no longer sure whether they consider me a colorful neighborhood character or some vaguely creepy man who has no life. Also, they occasionally throw me free stuff. Who doesn't love free cake? I'm okay with being creepy if it means I get free cake.
- Fairway: Living within a 3 block radius of one of the largest supermarkets in New York is a blessing I still marvel over every so often. Fuck Fresh Direct. Seriously. I can stumble over there while stoned out of my gourd and pick up pickles and chocolate while the cashiers look at me funny. You know you're jealous. Also, the fact that a Trader Joe's is opening up on Court St. kind of makes Red Hook a foodie paradise. Word.
- Hot Hipster Dads: What. The. Fuck. Have all the hot parents moved to the hook? I know some will scoff and say that Park Slope has already cornered that market but still, there are hordes of them. There's one standing next to me RIGHT NOW. He'd be even hotter if he'd lose the screaming, snot-faced crap-factory he's toting, but I digress. Plus, the vast tracts of industrial wasteland littering Park Slope are kind of a turn off.
- Steve's Key Lime Pie/The Red Hook Garden Center: I finally finally FINALLY had myself a "swingle" from Steve's last week. Allow me to explain - this is a mini Key Lime Pie dipped in dark chocolate and frozen. On a stick. If you're not a fan of this I'm not a fan of you. Steve's is nestled within the Red Hook Garden center which, aside from having many pleasing plants, is a great place to come relax with a book if things have been getting a little too hectic.
- The Ice House/Tini/The Good Fork: On any given night I can choose between what is consistently one of the most hailed restaurants in New York (Good Fork), good bbq combined with Big Buck Hunter and cheap booze (The Ice House), or the most fabulous cheese plates you've ever seen (Tini). Of course, this is under that assumption that I'm not under the yolk of crippling poverty that evening. Or the assumption that I haven't been drinking so much as to make eating kind of a moot point. So ok, I guess what I'm saying is that occasionally when the stars are aligned perfectly I get to choose between these 3 establishments. That's good enough for me.
In short, I love me some Red Hook. Yes there's a schizophrenic who affectionately refers to me as Dogshit. And yes, there's that man who periodically throws things like old booze, pee, broken glass and spaghetti out of his 3rd floor window. But this is a damn fine place.
That's all for now kids.
Friday, September 5, 2008
The economic crisis hits pseudo-employed brooklyn.
The week before last as I climbed into the Navigator of one of the young men sent to meet me on a corner and deliver one of my favorite South American exports, I hear “$25 now,” Uh what? I am used to the tradition of handing over 4 twenty-dollar bills and getting 6 baggies. So uhm, what do I get for $100 now?
“Four.”
Uh, so how much can I get for $120?
Feeble math on both sides ensues, ending with the realization that I, as life should have shown me by now, will get nothing free. By this point another patron has joined us in the backseat and is equally disappointed that 2 will now cost him $50.
I am informed that I will be immediately informed when the price goes back down, and that I am always remembered (just like the entirely of
In the meantime, I remain amused that the economic downturn has finally affected me. What? I don’t drive, I buy a bare minimum of groceries, and have no dependents (unless cats count) what’d you expect?
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