Heavy B's Diet Tips No One Asked For

So I've seen various write-ups for this new graphic novel/diet memoir The Big Skinny: How I Changed My Fattitude. Among the many intriguing things about this - the fact that it gets cross-over coverage on food blogs, media blogs, women's interest blogs, and of course regular media coverage, it's status as the "first graphic memoir about dieting", what struck me the most when reading the excerpt up at Amazon, was that it wasn't the cheery, "Hey, I love my body and eat what I want, but I exercise a lot!" typical message that I was expecting.

Instead you see a pretty regimented calorie-counting, "diet-esque" foods, and what could unkindly be called self-deprivation, but I am not going to roll with the judgment that way - it at least seems honest. And surprisingly similar, at least in eating, or lack thereof, to what I do.

I make no claims to living a vaguely healthy lifestyle. I drink, I smoke, I do drugs, and truth be told, I'd rather do all of those than eat my dinner. And I don't workout. So why I am I writing about this? Well, about a year and 3 months ago I went on about a 4 day coke binge and lost about 2 sizes, and I've managed to keep it off but then this winter I felt some of it definitely come back. Now, I'm by no stretch of the imagination skinny. I'm also pretty ok with this. No one's going to lampoon me in public and I get by.

Back to the point - as we entered the new year I got bored with my jeans getting tighter and overeating and whatnot. Also, I like to view the human body as something of an experiment. My own lab rat, as it were. I know, most people want to try to preserve it, I like to test its limits. What can I say?

So after a cold I decided that I would eat only soup. Now dude, I don't know if you've noticed, but there are some tasty, tasty canned soups out there - with plenty of solid foods contained within. I'm talking organic, veggie-tastic, would-please-a-foodie really good soups. That are also only about 120-200 calories if you eat the whole can, in many cases. 300 if you want to get crazy.

My favorites: Trader Joe's chicken noodle soup in a can, Wolfgang Puck's organic soups, and whatever is on sale.

Eat only soup and your appearance, it will change.

Someone who I hadn't seen in awhile remarked that I was much smaller and when he asked how I did it I half-jokingly said I upped my coke use, but ladies and gents, that will work to! Supplement your diet regimen with it, and you'll have a good time and you won't be hungry. Everyone wins.

Now, because I don't want my insides to give out, I do consume more than just soup. I try to have a yogurt - regular or soy, whatever is on sale - every morning, with a coffee or diet coke. Maybe an emergen-c (or the vitamin supplement of your choice) sometime during the day, and a 100-calorie snack pack, and then a can of soup for dinner. All the alcohol and diet coke I want. You will pry those from my cold, dead hands. I have tried to have cocktails/hard liquor instead of beer mostly, but its a little tricky. And that, plus or minus any illicit substances, is my day.

I also have what I have dubbed Solid Food Sundays where I eat something, whatever I want, ususally a cheeseburger, since the weekend's hangover usually requires more than a yogurt to be helped out. And it is great.

So there you have it.

And you'll save lots of cash on groceries. Who doesn't want to do that in these economic times?

Paging Dr. Perc

My last google search: doctor percocet

This sounds about right.

jive turkey is eating old cheese and Activia.

It's on, it is indeed on.